We have a part of our brain that has been there for millions of years, our “old brain”. It’s the part of our brain that keeps us alive. It operates in fear, is negatively biased, and conditions us to do what we need to to protect ourselves. This part of our brain is important and vital to our survival, but also can keep us stuck.
A year ago today, I lay in recovery listening to a doctor drone on about how important it was that I stood up to go to the bathroom because I might get bed sores…and some other potential issues. To be honest, I didn’t really hear much of what she had to say. Not to say that she didn’t have some valid points, because I’m sure she did.
Looking back now, I can recognize that I was in shock. I had come in the previous day in the wee hours of the morning (after multiple visits and almost two weeks of labor…yes, two weeks) and despite our concerns, been told that I had to be induced. I was told to call my family and friends and tell them not to expect anything for at least 24 hours.
Four hours later, there was no more heartbeat and no more time. I was gutted, my baby was taken away, and I was rolled into recovery. He was placed on my chest and I was told that had I been anywhere else, we would not have survived the ambulance ride. I was told to be grateful (which I was).
And that was it.
You know that moment when your child tells you something and your heart drops. Either its something scary or disappointing or unexpected or an “ugh, what did you do now?” moment.
There are thousands of these moments when raising kids. And how we respond in these moments is important. Because once they speak those words, our reaction is almost instantaneous. It’s a gut reaction. What we’ve just heard is uncomfortable and we want to fix it. But normally that gut reaction, isn’t the most effective and nurturing reaction. It is typically a pretty “selfish” reaction, meaning that we are trying to fix that “uncomfortable” feeling inside us.
You know those days where everything seems to be going in slow motion. The kids are crazy, you aren’t yourself and no matter how many cups of coffee you have, it’s just not working. You’re stuck.
I’ve been having a lot of those lately. I’m often stuck in my own head, either thinking about something that needs to be done or trying to remember something that I just know that I have forgotten. My brain feels “foggy”, like I can’t piece together what to do next.
I know I am not alone. This happens to us all. Here are two easy steps to turn that kind of day around.
Parenting is hard. It’s an emotional roller coaster that can push us to our limits and then some. It’s natural to be emotional, it’s natural to react, but the truth of the matter is that our children need us to be calm. They need us to be their safe haven in all the chaos. Because they are still learning, still growing, and as overwhelming as it is for us, it’s that much more so for them. So, here are five steps to be a more calmer you.
As I was getting ready to head out the door the other day for work, I remembered that I had forgotten to pump (and knew that Koa wouldn’t have enough if I didn’t). I was home alone with the kids, already running late, had yet to pack up the car, had emails that I was trying to reply to and not to mention three kids who were past due for naps and a snack.
But I tried to do it anyway. Fast forward five minutes, Rowan is literally swinging from the chandelier, Ellie has peanut butter in her hair therefore her world is over, Koa is screaming his little lungs out, and I’m standing there like a raging monster with two pumps attached, loose cords flying around, trying to contain my trapeze artist, de-grease Ellie’s hair and rock Koa in his carseat with my foot. Clearly I was doing too much.